I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
