does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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