I'm drive I can fine osifer
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
