you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
