May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
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