Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize