The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
