you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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