So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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