i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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