Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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