Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I need to align my fucking chakras
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