She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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