im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
