I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Green mimosas i think yes
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
