You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
