Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
