peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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