Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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