This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
