a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
MIDGETS
????
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
