If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
