you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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