I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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