The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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