I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
