No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
