then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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