i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
