I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
