he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
