I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
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