her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
