i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
