u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
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It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
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I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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