Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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