remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..