I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
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Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
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We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum