Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
29 Super Simple DIY Drinking Games
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.