Texts From Last Night

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  (404): View more from Georgia

  i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before

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  (404): i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before http://tfl.nu/o5nm
  Replies (29) Good night (4668) Bad night (1045)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..

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  (206): My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury.. http://tfl.nu/rawt
  Replies (39) Good night (8040) Bad night (1160)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?

  (518): View more from New York

  No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.

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  (313): Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween? (518): No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate. http://tfl.nu/4msk
  Replies (21) Good night (5169) Bad night (811)
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  (564): View more from Washington

  He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns

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  (564): He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns http://tfl.nu/yiwx
  Replies (13) Good night (4902) Bad night (1648)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.

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  (410): Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on. http://tfl.nu/o94m
  Replies (15) Good night (4557) Bad night (1298)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.

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  (917): He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman. http://tfl.nu/emjq
  Replies (5) Good night (2763) Bad night (726)
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  (+31): View more from The Netherlands

  Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though

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  (+31): Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though http://tfl.nu/2ww7
  Replies (4) Good night (1313) Bad night (1266)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.

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  (773): I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea. http://tfl.nu/j1n0
  Replies (9) Good night (516) Bad night (1555)
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  (308): View more from Nebraska

  So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?

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  (308): So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts? http://tfl.nu/8n8l
  Replies (5) Good night (444) Bad night (749)
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  (516): View more from New York

  yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...

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  (516): yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye... http://tfl.nu/3it0
  Replies (2) Good night (815) Bad night (494)
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  (870): View more from Arkansas

  I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that

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  (870): I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that http://tfl.nu/cuww
  Replies (3) Good night (1232) Bad night (395)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???

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  (907): Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed??? http://tfl.nu/qbm2
  Replies (20) Good night (2404) Bad night (499)
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  (906): View more from Michigan

  too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious

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  (906): too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious http://tfl.nu/wso0
  Replies (7) Good night (946) Bad night (310)
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  (631): View more from New York

  if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.

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  (631): if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story. http://tfl.nu/uwah
  Replies (2) Good night (496) Bad night (234)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.

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  (908): I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be. http://tfl.nu/dw4c
  Replies (0) Good night (384) Bad night (206)

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