The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.