Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
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how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
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You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?