somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
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