Texts From Last Night

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  (517): View more from Michigan

  every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot

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  (517): every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot http://tfl.nu/9euo
  Replies (41) Good night (928) Bad night (2036)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high

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  (801): I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high http://tfl.nu/0yq2
  Replies (90) Good night (12257) Bad night (1202)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?

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  (816): She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit? http://tfl.nu/kt2r
  Replies (24) Good night (7467) Bad night (1079)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.

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  (706): This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules. http://tfl.nu/2gj5
  Replies (16) Good night (6580) Bad night (1104)
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  (909): View more from California

  If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?

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  (909): If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night? http://tfl.nu/ont9
  Replies (14) Good night (1064) Bad night (4249)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?

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  (201): We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong? http://tfl.nu/lzrs
  Replies (13) Good night (2913) Bad night (856)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.

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  (205): He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero. http://tfl.nu/osga
  Replies (6) Good night (3518) Bad night (701)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself

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  (540): Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself http://tfl.nu/tr5c
  Replies (3) Good night (1291) Bad night (705)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH

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  (775): I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH http://tfl.nu/ef88
  Replies (9) Good night (2201) Bad night (711)
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.

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  (952): I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous. http://tfl.nu/ct4x
  Replies (1) Good night (882) Bad night (340)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.

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  (713): I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE. http://tfl.nu/cj44
  Replies (2) Good night (985) Bad night (367)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.

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  (304): Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint. http://tfl.nu/67cs
  Replies (2) Good night (767) Bad night (323)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.

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  (970): In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma. http://tfl.nu/78q2
  Replies (1) Good night (522) Bad night (405)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb

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  (604): I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb http://tfl.nu/i22g
  Replies (4) Good night (746) Bad night (304)
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.

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  (540): Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight. http://tfl.nu/pfpe
  Replies (1) Good night (849) Bad night (255)

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