Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
