I bet he comes in French.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
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woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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