You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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