So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
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