Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Randomize
