Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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