Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
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