My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize