u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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