fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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