Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
