A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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