I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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