Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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