You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
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It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
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The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
God, I missed his penis.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize