I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I think we might need a safe word for this...
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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